Apr 8

There is a colonial woman on the wing

I need a bikini top. I bought three bottoms and no tops. I guess I was expecting to be topless the whole week..however, maybe not everyone wants to see my nipples all day erry day and maybe I might need to put a lid on that gumbo?

if ya know what I’m sayin’.

I also need a phone card to call the kids. We procrastinated this week and didn’t get one…can I just buy one at a bodega? I have no idea how to do international anything.

I packed 12 pairs of panties because my vagina is on vacation too and it likes clean fresh  things pressed up against it.

Caribbean Air doesn’t let you check in on line because it’s a big fat doodie head.

I have never flown longer than 2 hours before. I am terrified I will lose my shit about 2.5 hours in because that’s about when I start to get antsy and angry and start seeing 10 maids a milkin’ on the wing.

I am wearing yoga pants and a tee on the way down and changing into a maxi dress on the plane because I’m a gangsta.

I promised Betch I would take a million pics and stuff and then send them to her so she can feel like she’s right there naked with me because we are friends as well as whores and that’s just what we do.

They bumped my flight time up and they knocked time off my departure next week when we get home and that kind of blows no matter which way you look at it.

I am making hamburgers and fries tonight for dinner because nothing says I will miss my kids quite like minimal effort right before I go away  and leave them for a week.

I put Top Chef and Project Runway on my phone so I can watch it when I’m in the plane because we do such a good job of ignoring each other all year long, why should we do something different when we finally have some alone time?

Burnt french fries are bullshit.

See ya bitches  on the flip.