January 2012
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I'm in bed.
I’d say wake me up in 2012 but I’m fairly certain my insomnia will take care of that.
Be safe, have fun…xoxo
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We are watching Lethal Weapon 3 while we wait for...
My wine is chilling in the fridge and if I can manage to stay awake past 9pm I might actually get to drink some of it.
New Year’s Eve loses it’s luster once motherhood steals your sunshine and pre-menopause robs you of your energy.
Anyway…Happy New Year My bitches!!!!
December 2011
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I want to understand a lot of you. I do.
I just don’t think I’m meant to.
Deleting. Not deleting. Deleting then coming back. Using tracking programs to see people’s IP’s. Overtly sexual. Pretending that sex bothers you.
It’s just a mish mosh of odd social weirdness and I’m confused and perplexed as to if I come across that same way to you. And IF I do…why the fuck do we follow each other?
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Oh, look. You're naked again and stuff
That’s new and original and not getting weird or tiring or awkward at all.
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Rule #1 of being married to an insomniac
NEVER WAKE THEM UP TO HAVE SEX!!!!
It’s awesome that you’re feeling frisky and it’s fantastic that you want to “get some.”
But if you’re spouse is asleep when more often than not they AREN’T….then go watch some porn. Go rub one out. Beat your meat in the bathroom. Take a long bath. Jerk off in a sock.
Just LET YOUR SLEEPING SPOUSE...
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2011
Lost weight.
Gained weight.
Hung out with the internet a few different times.
Raised a few kids.
Screwed up a few times.
Watched some TV.
Pissed away some hours on the internet.
Ate a lot of shit that was bad for me.
Drank too much.
Had some sex.
Some of it was kind of really good.
Bought some shit.
Regretted every purchase.
Visited family.
Took some pictures.
Had some shitty...
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SNARK has a FACEBOOK
www.facebook.com/pages/snark/318049114878154
It will include updates, hotel info, pregame locations and any of your SNARKNYC weekend needs.
Pass this on and let everyone know, so we can all communicate on one page.
Thanks again…
SO…GO LIKE IT AND STUFF!!!!
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2012
I had an anxiety attack last night that was so strong and so intense I kept telling my kids I loved them in case I was going to die.
When I woke up this morning very much alive and feeling a little bit better, I made a decision.
I don’t make resolutions. I used to when I was a smoker and a slut and a bad person and I always broke them because living as a normal human being who wasn’t...
I am not going out on New Year's Eve
To be honest, I haven’t gone out on NYE in years.
Maybe close to 15.
Maybe longer.
NYE is expensive.
Drinks that normally cost 8 are now 12.
Bars that never charge a cover ask for 50 just to walk in the door.
And that’s cheap.
Plus, NYE feels like a fancy holiday. Something more than just jeans and a deep v shirt. And well that just bums me out because I am the complete opposite...
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The SNARK hotel room block is SOLD OUT!!!
However, management has informed me they still have a few rooms available and they are offering those rooms at the block price.
But once those spillover rooms are gone….that’s it!!!
So, if you haven’t booked and want to book…please call now!!!
Thanks guys and can’t wait to see you in six weeks!!!!
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I just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who donated to the Tweetup Scholarship, who reblogged it and who supported the idea and understood where I was going with it and why I felt it was so important to start it.
Even though I struggle financially, I am blessed to be able to attend meetups and spend time with my friends both old and never met. However, not everyone is so lucky. Everyday is a...
I am wearing flannel pajamas
and thanks to all the metal in my apartment, the baby refuses to touch me on account of how many times I’ve jolted her tiny ass.
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SNARK! I GET TO GO THANKS TO MICHELE AND HER...
iamjenn2:
#1 THANK YOU MICHELE!!
#2 THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO PUT A FEW BUCKS IN TO MAKE THIS HAPPEN.
#3 I MIGHT NEED A HOTEL ROOM TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR OF OR JUST LEND ME A PILLOW OUTSIDE YOUR ROOM ON SATURDAY NIGHT.
#4 HOLY SHIT MY FIRST TWEET-UP
#5 THANK YOU MICHELE!!
I winner down…1 to go!!!!
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Even though it's almost 2012
I still comb and blow dry my hair the exact same way I did in 1987, regardless of what style I have it cut in.
Roller brushes and mousse and spritz and drying my hair until I see smoke.
And I curl my bangs under. UNDER.
Ala Alyssa Milano.
I don’t know why either.
All that’s missing is acid wash jeans, Sun-In and a Swatch watch.
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If you have prettier hair, skin, clothes, or pretty bits in general I will secretly loathe you for having these things all the while wishing I had them for myself.
I will smile in your face and say…Oh, where ever did you get that pretty shit?
And you will blush and thank me for being so kind but I won’t be listening because I already know where you got it.
Skanktown USA.
Unless...
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Truesday Trooths
I am not easily impressed. I wish I was, It makes me sad that I’m not. I just don’t ooh and aaah to kiss ass or follow the other ooher’s and aahers.
I am congested. Walking around a resort filled with sniffling, sneezing little grub monsters (including my own) has finally caught up with me.
I don’t say sorry often. When I do, it’s heartfelt. It might take me a...
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I didn’t weigh in last week because I was angry.
Angry at myself for how I’ve let my weight get. I’ve been saying I’m 178 but truth is I’m 188. My house scale is in as much denial as I am.
I saw myself in a bathing suit this week and I’m confused and heart hurt over what I’ve done to my body.
It stops now.
I need to quit the shit and just do it.
...
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I appreciate all of you in ways I could never fully verbalize.
You have supported me, cheered me, entertained me and given me your love when I felt I was the most unworthy.
You can search your whole life and think you’ve seen everything, felt everything and experienced everything, but all that changes once you find true friendship.
I wish all of you a happy holiday. Please be safe....
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It's starting to feel like Christmas
I didn’t think it would.
I sort of planned on having an anti-Christmas.
However…it’s creeping in. It’s hugging me close.
And I think I kinda like it.
It’s beautiful out. Richmond is decorated and inviting and I may never want to leave.
The holidays are weird. You can fight it and fight it and swear you don’t care but just when you least expect...
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Oh nothing, just sitting in a steam filled...
What are you guys doing??
I have listened to my 5 year old cough 60 billion...
Her cute factor wore off long ago.
Also..here’s my helpful mom hint of the day.
When cleaning vomit off your hard wood floor make sure you spray it first with some sort of bleach or scented product because the things 9 year olds put into their system are fucking rank and vile and smell 10000000000000 times worse when mixed with stomach contents and bile and if you catch a whiff and...
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I am negative.
I admit it.
But I see the joy in some things.
ANY THING.
All day, every day it’s like womp womp Debbie Downer on my dash.
“Here’s my picture, not that any of you fucking care.”
“Something…something…FML!!”
“Insert post here where I talk about how broke I am.”
Aren’t you mother fuckers ever just happy? For like NO REASON?
...
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Someone was upset I used the term "bitch" in my...
But I scrolled through their dash and read they called someone a “wet back”, so I guess I’m the asshole??
Sometimes I wish I could choose who gets to read my shit on here because…yeah.
Ridiculous.
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When your five year old wakes you up at 1:00 am...
Unless… you LIKE cleaning puke at 1:15am in the dark so you don’t wake the other pukers in your house up.
Then by all means…send that bitch back to her own bed.
Anyway. I’m totally up and I’ve washed my hands so many times since noon that I can no longer be finger printed.
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9 year old: I feel like I’m going to throw up.
Me: Well haul ass…go to the bathroom.
9 year old: No, never mind. It was just a burp.
Me: It’s never just a burp when you have the stomach flu. The same goes for a fart.
9 Year old: Wait…I feel like when I swallow there is vomit in my mouth.
5 Year old: You have Mohammad in your mouth?
I don’t know either.
There is something deep within a woman that only comes to the surface when they are around someone they think they can “make better”.
We have our own issues. Our own cracks and fissures that need repair, yet there we are with our “fix his shit shit” box and we are convinced that we can succeed where all others have failed. We can mend the battered. We can darn up all their...
Typical Michele luck...
Three days before road tripapalooza I get a call from the school nurse saying I have to come get my 9 year old because she was covered in puke.
So…yeah.
In case you were wondering what my christmas vacation needed, it’s barfing kids and grown ups feeling like they have to poop their pants.
Merry Virusmas.
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The word of the day is...
FINGER DOUCHE:
When simply washing with soap and water is NOT enough, this internal cleaning done with a soapy finger while in the shower to extricate the funk/inner ugly from one’s vagina is a sure fire way to keep the stinkies at bay.
Sometimes the movement brought about during sex can knock loose some of the fugly that can and often does stick to the walls of a woman that doesn’t...
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Something is happening to my stomach
I woke up feeling “questionable” and now I am sort of queasy and feeling a bit blerghhhhh.
I just feel like something is brewing.
And even though I don’t think using the word brewing is attractive when discussing ones bowels and innards I have thrown caution to the wind and used it anyway.
I’m a risk taker.
My Rachael Ray episode airs today, so if you’re watching...
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I'm just laying here thinking
Is it laying or lying?
I wish you could just close your eyes and be in the place with who you thought of as you thought of it.
If that was possible, I’d be with a few of you right now.
I’m lonely.
Who’d close their eyes and want to be with me??
eoporto asked: Why have you not eaten soup in 18 years? I cannot even fathom why, but that is a very deliberate number of years.
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Well would you look at that.....
It’s only $165.00 to fly to Chicago in April.
Who knew?????
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I am eating cheesecake with my fingers and...
My house is quiet. The kids are gone.
The baby is sleeping.
Christopher is in the other room watching UFC.
It’s just me, my phone, my laptop and my cheesecake.
All is right in my world.
I want to go shopping.
I need to go shopping.
I need odds and ends before our trip next week and I just have this weird pulling in my belly that is DEMANDING that I put my pants on and go buy lots and lots of crap I don’t really need but HAVE TO HAVE.
Road trips demand useless shit.
I think.
Maybe.
I don’ t know.
I guess I’m just bored.
And hungry.
And feeling like the...
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Is there anyone attending SNARK who would be...
Please let me know…and get back to me asap.
Thanks.
I decided to start a pledgie in the hopes that we would raise enough money to send someone to a tweetup who has always wanted to, but could never afford to go to one.
I made my intentions clear from the beginning.
I knew SNARK was the first to arrive, followed by CHSH a few short months later.
I foolishly assumed those two get togethers were the most popular and that I would raise money first...
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Three out of the five people with the most...
So…yeah.
I am just about ready to give up.