January 2010
Its 10 AM. I need to get my ass in gear
I have three loads of laundry with my name on it that need washing, drying, folding and putting away.
I have a kitchen to clean. I swear I think my kids have a party in there after I fall asleep.
I suppose I have to feed every one. Double Sigh.
I need to take a shower and wash the failure of a lonely sexless Friday off my skin.
I have to clean the bathroom. And OMGIHATEDOINGTHATMOSTOFALL.
I...
I didn't have the pizza.
I didn’t have the salad either. Which means I am one angry broad.
On a bright note, I lost nearly 20 pounds. I brought my blood pressure down.
And tomorrow I’m going to buy new freakin’ jeans. NEW. SMALLER. JEANS.
I feel better. I got a cute new haircut, so I LOOK better. And I’m excited to start my weekend!
To pizza or not to pizza?
I’ve had a shitty day. I feel like I look. And trust me people…it’s not pretty.
I could have a salad. Same as I always do.
Or I could have a slice of the hot, cheesy pizza sitting on my counter taunting me like a high priced floozy.
What should I do?
Today
My 16 year old daughter had to have a simple surgery today, and what was supposed to be a routine ambulatory procedure turned into a moment of absolute white knuckled panic.
She’s never had any surgery. Nothing more invasive then a cavity filled. She’s never had blood drawn, or an IV. She was nervous. She was angsty. And I reassured her over and over that she was being silly, and...
It's so windy here, and I keep losing power
Every time the lights go out I’m shrouded in pitch black and I’m all alone, wishing that I had night vision. That’s the forgotten super power. No one ever picks it. Sure, invisibility is awesome. But how cool is being able to slink around with out anyone seeing you if you keep busting your ass over stray Lego’s left on the living room floor?
The bottom line is…Batman...
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Who are you calling a cootie queen, you lint...
Pickle you kumquat!!!
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My boyfriend must love me because he just told me...
Either that, or he has a thing on the side with some one who lives there…hmmm.
I may need to do further research on this matter.
But until then…FUCK YEAH I’M COMING!
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Space
It’s not you, it’s me.
I think we need to talk.
I just don’t think this is working out.
Maybe we should take a break.
I love you. I’m just not IN love with you.
You never talk to me.
I think we should just be friends.
I’m not happy anymore.
We should see other people.
You never make any time for me.
I miss the old me.
Our lives are just going in different...
Flannel pajamas
My kids bought me gray flannel pajamas for Christmas. They are pretty. Steel gray, with pale pink piping. I haven’t had an “actual” pair of jammies since I had my son 15 years ago. So to have matching tops AND bottoms made me happy.
~EXCEPT~
I am sweating my ass off in these bad boys. I’m not talking about a seductive sheen. I’m talking about a full on,...
A funny thing happened on the way to Pre surgery...
I saw my ex boyfriend. AND HE’S FAT. Not just 15 pounds over weight. I mean cant-see-his-penis-needs-help-to-tie-his-shoes FAT.
He winked at me. EWWWW.
And my 16 year old daughter passes out when they her draw blood.
So, collectively, I would say it’s been a very enlightening day.
Well, what do you know?
It’s SUPER CHEAP to fly to Chicago in April.
Good to know.
I hope all the sex I won't be having AGAIN tonight...
because I am ex-to-the-hausted.
A panic attack? For me? No..you shouldn't have.
No. Really.
My stomach is stuck in the spin cycle
I have a fever. It’s 100.9, which is not high enough to be worried, just high enough for my hair and face to hurt. I’m alone. The kids are here, but essentially I’m alone. I have to take my daughter to the surgeon at 8:30 and all I want to do is curl up in bed and not have to think. Thinking is making me angry, because all I keep thinking about is how ironic it is when the...
Awake!!!!!!
There’s a saying….Don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired.
I’m all that and more.
Who needs sex?
Nope. Not me. I sure don’t.
I’m completely okay with watching reality television and eating eating sugar free candy.
Yup. This no sex thing is A-OKAY in my book.
I highly recommend it.
I'm Italian
And thanks to fair skin and dark hair, every Monday for me is Mustache Monday.
There is also Arm Hair Tuesdays. Excessive Brow Thursdays. And Five O’clock Shadow Fridays.
Thanks Nona.
2010 is the year of the SAP-FREE post
Or at least I am going to try REALLY, REALLY hard to make it that way.
No one likes “Sad Michele”.
Sad Michele is boring.
Sad Michele is lame.
Sad Michele is annoying. (Especially since most of the shit she goes through is shit she directly caused)
Sad Michele is officially on hiatus.
Someone just sent me a link to something titled...
And all I will say is once you SEE it, you can never UNSEE it.
My friends are assholes.
Sometimes people try to be funny and instead they...
Those are the people who make it easy for me to unfollow them.
~ Don’t worry, this post wasn’t directed toward her or him. However it was directed toward you. You are a jerk. ~
Come To The Edge
Come to the edge, he said.
They said: We are afraid.
Come to the edge, he said.
They came.
He pushed them. And they flew.
~Guillaume Apollinaire~
To anyone who got on a plane by themselves or...
…You are the most awesome, amazing, and courageous people EV-AHHH!!
To go somewhere, not knowing…just going on blind faith and hope and a desire to make changes in your life and NOT do the same things you’ve always done. To break out of life long molds, to push past phobias and anxieties and just take a chance on the kindness of others and the strength of self. For that, you...
My "words with friends"
My gay BFF: I think I’m getting old. Most of the time I bail on sex dates because the thought of having to go through all the prep work for anal sex is SO ANNOYING. KNOWWHATIMEAN?
Me: Uh huh. I totally do. The waxing, the bleaching, the lubing.
Gay BFF: There’s just NOTHING SPONTANEOUS about anal.
Me: It’s tough.
Gay BFF: Exactly, the squirt, squirt…rinse, flush,...
Jason is the king of all metaphors
Also..now I want a chocolate stuffed burrito.
I'd break up with Brad Pitt too.
That whole “I’m growing a hobo vagina on my face” is NOT hot. Unless you like kissing a man with cigarette butts and someone else’s gum in his facial hair.
Almond M&M's for the Mother effin' WIN!!
ya know, just in case anyone cared.
There are a million Brangelina jokes to be made...
and San Francisco kidnapped the internet and now we will never get to see them.
Thanks a lot, California.
Fine, Tumblr. Be that way.
If you need me, I’ll be on Facebook.
Sunday is usually quiet, but this is booty
booty on toast.
How am I supposed to lounge around in bed all day wearing my pajamas and drinking coffee if there is no one to entertain me?
thejohnblog asked: You hit him harder than you thought. He's dead now. You've got to flee.
Change your name, hair, and live somewhere else. What name, what hair, what other place?
Change your name, hair, and live somewhere else. What name, what hair, what other place?
If all this “pie” talk is a euphemism for sex, then I won’t be eating any fucking pie today.