February 2012
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I feel weird.
I think I pushed myself too hard at the gym today.
Either that or I am coming down with something and my body is doing that weird “fighting shit off” thing.
I can barely stand.
Walking is excruciating.
I am really drained.
I feel a little nauseas.
I am already making excuses why I shouldn’t go the gym tomorrow.
I think I’m dehydrated.
So hopefully...
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If you want toned and tight and tanned, you won’t find it here.
If you want young and unmarred and unexperienced in all the ways of fucking up a relationship, you won’t find it here.
If you want someone flexible and nimble and eager to bend to your every whim, you won’t find it here.
If you want someone educated and intellectual and smart enough to know their place, you...
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"Hey mom, I was just peeing for like three minutes...
These are the things that get talked about sometimes while at the dinner table once you have kids.
Enjoy them when they’re little folks, because it’s only downhill after that.
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STM
It’s too bad I had my tubes tied because I totally wanna have all your babies.
But since I can’t, just put them all over my back and belly.
KTHXBAI
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You know that feeling you get when you run into...
Yeah…that.
That.
I need to patent that and bottle it because HOLY SHIT does it do something amazing to the ego.
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Snark is having a 50/50 raffle
So on top of coming to hang out with your favorite people you can also win a few bucks.
Ya know…in case you needed MORE incentive to get your ass to NYC.
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Every time I go away, whether it’s for a week or simply just an overnight trip I get completely different hair then when I’m home.
Maybe it’s the duvet cover or the hair dryer or the fact I’m in a different area code. Maybe its chemical and just from the excitement of being away from home.
Whatever the cause, I wish every hair day was a vacation hair day.
Shaving my bikini area is like an olympic event.
I need razors, but NOT JUST ANY RAZORS. I need the kind with an aloe strip and four blades and a bendy handle with a rubber grip and if it was pink or purple and shit that would be awesome.
Then I need shaving cream. Preferably the kind that smells all fruity and stuff and makes my hoo hoo smooth like a new vinyl LP fresh from the record store....
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Snark is just about a week away and that is my...
So, if you’re planning on coming…come.
If you’re not sure if you should come…come.
If you want to have a good time…come.
If you are worried that no one will know you or talk to you or like you, there’s only way to know for sure…come.
I am sooooo looking forward to surrounding myself with goodness, laugh with some of the most awesomest people I know...
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I always sing along when I listen to music, happily ignorant to the fact that I sound like a rabid ferret getting railed with a bat studded with nails.
Ha…new band name.
No one makes me laugh like my kids. Except when I see you guys naked…then I LAUGH HARD AND LONG.
I don’t understand pockets in aprons. What are you putting in there? Samples? Spoons? Snacks for later?
My...
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Trues and Dares
I want to have sex with a few of you. Not all at once…but maybe.
I am not a fan of lingerie. I think it’s a waste of time. I’d rather spend the money on sheets and stuff. At least I can use those again.
I give great advice. I just suck at taking it.
I bite my cuticles. And if I could get my toes in my mouth, I’d chew the skin on my feet too.
My farts don’t smell....
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I just tried to post a video which may or may not...
So, I’m sorry if I flood your dash with repeat performances and more face shots than a Ron Jeremy movie.
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sunnybucket replied to your photo: You see this room, right here? In less than 2…
That room is awesome!
I KNOW…RIGHT????
And you should see it at night. The whole ceiling is twinkling lights, so the glass atrium top looks like the sky all sparkly and stuffs.
It will look totally awesome in photos.
I am very, very excited.
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Madonna...AMIRITE????
53 years old and still so good it hurts my butt.
Oh..yeah.. Yay New York.
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let me rant...judge me later
Dear Non-custodial Parents:
I understand you think a little thing called genetics gives you certain rights and privileges to your offspring, but allow me to school you really quick.
NO THE FUCK IT DOESN’T.
Just because you pick your kid up on a Saturday (late, most of the time) and fill their bellies with junk food and their heads with shitastic ideas and idiotic ramblings, doesn’t...
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I don’t wanna splooge all over your dash with sappy lovey dovey shit…but fuck you. I’m gonna.
I just wanna tell you guys something.
Pay attention.
Ready?
Never judge anyone without really doing your fucking research.
Uh uh.
Nope.
Don’t do it.
Two years ago, I fucking HATED Cherilyn.
No, seriously.
I loathed her.
I blocked her on Twitter, so you know that shit was...
WatchSNARK IS 14 ECZEMA FINGERS AWAY….yeah. I don’t know either.
I posted a video, but Tumblr seems to have lost...
I have no idea when it will appear..it’s just floating around somewhere.
You’re welcome.
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My period makes me crazy
I’m exhausted. This is day three and I’m already completely drained. I’m emotionally spent. I’m not sleeping. My appetite is off. I just feel horrible.
I haven’t been to the gym in four days. And I hate how dependent I am on it and how depressed I get when I can’t get there.
I’m moody. I’ve yelled at everyone and cried at everything and shouted...
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18 years ago I became a parent for the first time.
At the time, it felt like the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. I thought my life was over.
I didn’t think anything good could ever come of me having a kid and by the way I was treated and at times subsequently ignored, my family believed that to be true as well.
I wasn’t very good at it.
I messed up. A lot.
I went...
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Sexy is....
long, soft kisses.
talking dirty.
kissing my pussy the same way you would kiss my face.
spanking me.
writing me a note for no reason.
holding my hand.
nuzzling my neck.
cooking me dinner.
fucking me from behind.
making out in the shower.
being a good father to our kids.
intelligent conversation.
trusting your partner.
ice in your mouth during oral sex.
pinching my nipples.
buying...
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I may have laughed way too long and far too...
Okay…I may still be laughing about it.
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My oldest was born Maria Victoria.
Never a girly girl. Always taller and just having a thicker build than most of her girlfriends.
I always just sort of “knew” something was off but I couldn’t really put my finger on it.
Maybe I could and I stayed in denial. I don’t know.
When I was pregnant with Matilda, she confided in me that she didn’t want to live as a woman...
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Tomorrow is my oldest’s 18th birthday.
The only thing he asked for this year was that his new name be written on his birthday cake.
It brought a lot of stuff full circle for me.
I get on him and hound him about his grades and his not having a job and his room and his laundry and all the typical teenage bullshit that mothers throw at their kids.
And all he wants is to look in the mirror...
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In the summer time if it was 65 degrees we would all be complaining about the weather and putting on sweat shirts and sweaters and shaking our heads and upset about a missed opportunity to swim or bask on the beach or walk around half naked.
Today, mid winter and it’s 65 degrees and we are all smiling and eating our lunch outside and taking off our coats and basking in the sun and walking...
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#JoyforJulie
frageelay:
When I read of Julie’s news about the cancer overstaying its welcome this morning, I had myself a good cry. I got mad. I prayed. And then I thought about this incredible community here and how much we all adore Julie. We may not hold a magical cure for cancer in our hands, but we can direct a laser beam of joy and happiness and love her way, and I absolutely believe to the very core...
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It's 68 degrees. In NYC. In February.
That’s all I have to say.
January 2012
and just like that...
I don’t want to be a dick anymore.
I don’t want to carry resentments.
I don’t want to bitch and moan about useless meaningless shit.
I don’t want to be angry.
I don’t want to harbor animosity.
I don’t want to come off as bitchy.
I don’t want to complain.
I just want to shut the fuck up and be happy with what i have, where I am, love the people that...
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Things that make me happy....
new batteries in my vibrator
pink Starburst
buffalo chicken salad
when my engagement ring is clean
reading late at night in bed when the house is quiet
good hair days
steak and potatoes
masturbating
gossiping with my friends
drinking with my friends
just being with my friends
payday
soft serve vanilla ice cream with caramel
das internets
listening to music
cotton candy
did i...
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What do some of you get out of being passive...
Is it like venting…but NOT venting because you don’t name names, but you don’t hide who you are talking about either? So, it’s kind of like confronting that person…but without the courage and balls?
Is it more like a sick game where you say shit..ANY SHIT…and throw it in ANY direction and if it sticks to something it sticks, but if not…you still got to...
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If you are coming to SNARK and want a NAMETAG, please RSVP by the end of this week, February 3, 2012.
Anyone attending who does NOT RSVP will get a blank tag, but even those are First-Come, First-Served.
Thanks…and see you all in 2 1/2 weeks.
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Fibromyalgia is new to me.
The pain. The limits. The having to make excuses. The stiffness in the morning. The looks I get when I try to explain my illness.
I am just now coming to accept and deal and manage.
However, every now and then I get surprised.
Something new happens.
Something new HURTS.
And in that instant, when my brain is trying to wrap itself around the pain and figure out the...
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I didn’t go to the gym again today. My period says it’s a bad idea. When my period talks, I listen.
I had crazy nightmares last night where I was angry and murderous and hurtful and I don’t know where that came from.
I haven’t had a cigarette in almost 3 years, but this morning I would have really liked to have one with some coffee.
My fallen arches and fibro make it...
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I bought new clothes.
In a new size.
I went from an X-LARGE to a LARGE.
Not a huge deal, but…for me?
It’s MAJOR.
I bought a black dress, with a lace peekaboo back. I am almost 100% wearing that to Snark.
I bought a black mini with sequined panels.
I bought another black mini with cinched layers, so I can wear it with funky tights.
I bought a black short sleeved simple dress just to wear in case...
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Snark Info
The NEW SnarkNYC venue is BLACKSTONE’S Bar and Grill on East 55th Street between 2nd and 3rd ave. I have reserved the Atrium room in the rear of the bar passed the pool tables.
The tweetup is Saturday February 18, 2012. It starts at 8pm and ends whenever you put your key in the door and go home.
The SnarkNYC hotel is The Roger Smith hotel and it is on Lexington Ave in Midtown East in...
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I went through my blog and deleted a bunch of SNARK posts after receiving “ANONYMOUS FEEDBACK” telling me that my blog was all about SNARK and people were getting annoyed, so I took this weekend to kind of lay low and just give Tumblr a rest because even though I love planning this tweetup, and this is TOTALLY MY HEART, I understand that some people just don’t want to hear about...
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Sometimes I catch myself looking into one of my kid’s eyes and I am instantly lost in thought trying to find my features in their face.
I look at their expression and think, “Do I make that face?”
I look at their eyes and try to find me there.
It’s not because I doubt we share the same DNA, it’s just that sometimes I need to feel that CONNECTION. I need to feel...
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My eczema is so bad I can hardly hold my phone in...
I can’t remember ever having it this bad before.
Maybe it’s stress. Maybe it’s just winter.
I can’t get my nails done. I hide my hands behind my back or inside my sleeves. It hurts so bad I sometimes can’t focus on anything else.
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One minute I am sitting on the couch watching television, lost in the mundane and mulling over what to make for dinner and suddenly I am reminded of my mortality and wrapped in thoughts of sickness and death and I become scared and pensive and start thinking about how I’m going to die and will it be long and drawn out or will it be quick and what will it feel like and when will it happen and...
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Let me use US as an example
I love Cherilyn.
She is my super, duper awesome other half friend.
We get each other. We are very much alike.
However? We are very, very different as well.
We also have different friends.
She likes people that I think are assholes.
And I like people people that she can’t stand to be around.
That doesn’t mean because she doesn’t think (redacted) is as big of a cunt as I do...
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I used to think I had friends before but I basically had people I would use so I wouldn’t feel so lonely.
I would call people or hang around people who didn’t compliment me as a person or draw out any of my best qualities but merely filled a void I had that made me feel empty.
I would go to parties and talk on the phone and invite people over but I never really felt like I had...