Sep 2

There’s mice in my apartment and I skeeve everything and want to burn this mother fucker to the ground and then just move but moving costs money we apparently don’t have and I no longer feel at home in my own house and everyone is scared and grossed out and sad and I just hate every mother fucking thing right now.

Sep 1

I want to wake up, get dressed and just DO something. Park, beach, sightseeing, bbq, any fucking thing and not feel like I have to run my wants and needs through someone else before I can.

I keep hearing shit moving around in my apartment and I’ve gotten up 55 times already to check to see if aliens or crackheads have broken into my house to kill me and so far all I’ve discovered is that I can’t sleep anymore. And it’s exhausting. Literally.

I visited my dad yesterday For the first time in 4 days because between sick kids and pissing glass, I barely wanted to visit my own self. He looked good. He had some color back and he was very happy to see me. He’s on the burn unit now, instead of on a regular ward because they’re attempting to save the leg with debreeding and skin grafts. Although I talked to the vascular surgeon yesterday and they’re not optimistic at all that he won’t need amputation anyway. So essentially they’re just putzing around and molesting his insurance because what else do they have to do.

I need to get this wisdom tooth pulled. Two years of not being able to chew on my left side is ridiculously long and stupid.

I’m going back to school shopping today. And for what it’s worth, I’m a little sad to see the fuckers go. This summer flew by way too fast. And I kind of want a redo.

My daughter calls me three times a day begging to come live with me and I’m ready to say yes but I’ve been told we barely have money for the mouths we do have Sooooo I have had to say no which is killing me and causing major strife in my relationship.

I just want to be the michele I was back when michele gave no fucks. Why is this so hard to do?

I just turned off TV and phone in my apartment and now I’m going to be living like a Walton or an Ingall or some other pioneer woman from back in the day but  it’s all good because I’ll be saving 125 dollars a month…sooooo viva la prairie life.

See ya at the mercantile.

I’m totally snap chatting my uti, in case you were bored and might want to hear all about my inflamed urethra.

Also, I haven’t worked out in 7 days. I’m gross.

I’m so mother fucking unhappy.

Oh, you’re sick?

What’s for dinner?

I started counting my calories about 2 months ago when my doctor told me it was either diet or die.

I have been pretty religious about it, putting in every item I eat and measuring meats and dressings and condiments like a chemist.

I thought by doing this, I was essentially saving my life and keeping my heart beating within my chest for just a little while longer and now I think its more than that.

I think I am a little obsessed with it. I don’t get happy when I think about eating I get stressed and I start second guessing myself and removing things from my plate or even worse, once I find out the caloric content of food, I guilt myself into only eating half of what is on my plate.

I know I have to be careful and mindful about what I eat. I know sodium is a very dangerous element for me and I need to be aware of the levels in everything I ingest. I just think all this counting and measuring and worrying has taken the joy out of something so simple as just having a meal with my family and I think maybe I am done keeping tabs on myself and will just be mindful of what I am putting into my body without being militant about it.

Joan Rivers was just rushed to the ER in cardiac arrest and suddenly all my favorite comics are either dying or dead and I can’t think of anything more unfunny than that.

In the last 3 months I have had 6 different people attempt to message me on facebook “innocently” trying to be my friend.

I don’t know if it’s an ex who is just really curious as to whether or not I got fat or a former friend who wants to see what I’m up to, but it’s just weird.

Is this just a me thing? Or does this ever happen to any of you?