I'm a middle aged girly girl looking for her place in this world. Or maybe just a seat on the bus. I have kids, or maybe it's more like my kids have me. I don't know. Eater of meat. Drinker of booze. Talker of all the shit. Also? I host a mean party.
I'm SARKASTICKUNT everywhere.
You should come find me.
I think of all the things I’ve learned in my life about being a woman, the one thing that has stuck with me for yeas and years and that I continue to pass on to my fellow ladies is this…
Always carry an extra pair of panties in your purse.
- I miss when I used to feel sexy. I don’t know what is happening to my body or my self esteem or maybe I’m just getting old and this is what happens when you slowly start to die inside but what I do know is I miss the times when I looked in the mirror and liked myself.
- I will defend my sister friends with my whole heart. Any one who hurts someone I love…even if at one point they were once a friend of mine as well…is no longer someone I choose to associate with. It’s not choosing sides…it’s common sense. And if my friends don’t have any…then they are no longer friends of mine.
- I had high drunken hopes for this weekend with all my DC people and am sad I will have to wait until some other time to hug them and grope them. However, I get to see my NYC bitches and this pleases me and fills all the holes that were formed when I discovered I couldn’t attend the tweetup.
- Being broke is the most awesomest, most shit-tastic thing all rolled into one. On one hand you pine and long for stuff and you get this tight ball of anger in your gut when you see people doing things you wish you could but on the other you accept the challenges put upon on you and pride yourself on surviving and thriving on what you DO have and learn to appreciate even the tiniest of things.
- I can be thoughtful when I want too, mother fucker.
- Shut up.
- I ate three donuts for breakfast because sometimes you just have to say fuck it and act like a big fat gigantic slob who is too busy eating gross shit to count calories or diet or take care of themselves.
- True Blood was a big simmering pot of mediocrity and I’m sorry but I miss the first season when it was grimy and dirty and sexual and now it’s all silly and sci-fi-ish and I’m just waiting for a leprechaun or a unicorn to appear because that’s exactly what was missing. Yes please…fuck the sex and threesomes and voodoo because fairies giving birth orgasmically on pool tables and vampire ghosts with a grudge are what we really want to see.
- NOT.
For those of you that know about my son’s situation, you understand how frustrating it’s been for him, living the last 19 years in the wrong body.
He has started therapy, and will start hormones (hopefully) this Summer.
While he is now currently under my medical insurance, sadly…this does not cover the cost of his top surgery. (something he wants more than I have ever seen any one want anything)
He has been binding his chest for the last 4 years and although it helps him obtain the look he wants, it does little for quality of life. He can barely breathe while wearing it and the compression garment is visible in nearly everything he wears, almost defeating the purpose of binding in the hopes of passing as a male.
I know everyone has their own problems and I don’t expect anyone to give or do anything they don’t want to, but if posting this here gives my child ‘s deepest wish the visibility it deserves…than that’s all I can really do.
That’s all any parent can do.
Thanks for being awesome.
It’s hard to be positive and find the bright spots in the darkness and to always see that the cup is full instead of almost empty when disappointment is all you’ve ever known. It’s easier to give advice from the sidelines if you yourself have never donned a jersey and played the game. So, until you’re an actual member of the team, and understand all the rules involved…don’t try to coach someone through something you know nothing about.
- This is NYC, asshole. It’s a metropolis. Not a little skidmark town built just for you. So what that means is walk like you’re not the only mother fucker on the street, no sudden stops, be courteous with your umbrella and when you see people coming toward you, be polite and share the sidewalk or you WILL get knocked the fug over.
- Jeans and cross trainers? No bueno ladies. I don’t care how cute you think your little hot pink Nike Free’s are…never, never, never pair them with your boot cut or any cut jean. Work out shoes go with workout wear. The end.
- My son created a GO FUND ME page to help pay for his top surgery and I may or may not post the link here so that you guys could possibly help him reach his dream of being a real boy faster.
- Father’s Day is in three days and I have done zero shopping because I have been sick and only had 364 days to plan something.
- Being sick is ridiculous and I hate everyone who can talk without coughing right now
- I want dim sum and a tempura roll and maybe a greasy egg roll.
- I am going to forfeit a haircut YET AGAIN this month to buy Chris a father’s day gift. Best. Baby. Mama. Ever.
- SOB.
It’s like he’s hitting my G-spot every time he texts me at precisely 6:30 to ask what we’re going to do about dinner. Just knowing that it’s Monday and we always, always have spaghetti on Monday is enough to make me drip buckets. But when I’m waiting in line at the same CVS I go to about eight different times a week, I practically have to clamp my hand over my mouth to stifle my moans as I buy milk and some poster board for one of my daughter’s science projects.
—Nothing Gets Me Wetter Than A Monotonous Domestic Routine | The Onion (via christinefriar)
This explains a lot.
(via thulium)Hahah
(via itsthebrooke)This. This. This.
Click through to read the whole article. Best thing I’ve read all month.
(Source: theonion)
